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Tuesday, 12 August 2014

The Love of Gods creation - Mother and Child

"This is scaremongering, as well as being both unfair, unhelpful and divisive for couples. Parents carry enough anxiety and guilt around separation as it is. Why on earth would we want to add to it?"

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The irony is, she adds, that studies show that if anything's going to cause harm to the offspring of separated parents, it's conflict – and to say that children can't spend a night at their dad's can only create conflict.
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The second most important factor that can damage children following divorce or separation, according to research, is lack of access to the non-resident parent, she says. "Again, this ban would only add to this lack of access."

For Ian Ashford, Leach's comments will be yet another reason for his wife to try and deny him access to their 13-month-old daughter, he says.

"We both love our daughter and she's attached to both of us, but my ex-wife seems to want me out of the picture altogether and she'll be rubbing her hands together at this. I have a friend in a similar situation."

Leach's comments are a bit like saying that a mother should never go out and allow Dad to put the children to bed, concludes Elizabeth O'Shea, a parenting specialist who runs parenting courses in deprived areas of London.

"In my opinion, if parents separate, the earlier a child can get used to staying with both Mum and Dad, the better. In fact, I truly believe that it is psychologically damaging to refuse to allow a child to have overnight stays with him."

Children need to be allowed to have a childhood, free from having to choose between their parents, she argues. "Children are adaptable."

But Nick Woodhall, author and practitioner at The Family Separation Clinic, believes it's not that black and white.

"I actually think it's quite a good thing that Leach has drawn attention to the impact on children of having to spend time in two homes because it can be tiring for children to move around every few days," he says.

"Research shows that even with tiny infants, even a change in washing powder can be disruptive because the house smells different."

But it doesn't follow that kids should never get to have sleepovers at their dads, he insists.

"There are good reasons for it to happen. It's just that kids sometimes need help with managing the shift from one household to another. If we can take anything from this, I think it should be focusing on this middle ground."

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